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Most people will experience a trauma at some point in their lives, and as a result, some will experience debilitating symptoms that interfere with daily life. To me, there is no good news to this no matter the statitistics rambled off. One person is no or worse than the next because we all deal with it differently. All trauma affects spirit, the soul and the body and unless those three are aligned change will never come. No I am not a psychologist however, I am a practical thinker and I am a incest survivor. I have heard some psychologist ramble of stats, many psychological terms which are all well and good BUT not to a hurt person who wants immediate relief from pain; a pain that penetrates into each sensor of that body with ringing heart renching fear. Words cannot do it justice. No we dont want to hear those words,we want results and fast. So I being this blog as the start of my new book Girl Interrupted. I want to share that this is a reality and its passed stranger danger. I want to let you know that as a survivor things have been taken from you, start today and realize that you cant give away anymore of you.

I often say my life is an onion, while we are affected in many areas because of the trauma or abuse which will make us constantly cry. I wont claim my trauma is greater than the next but I can say it affected me in a worse way that surpassed what I ever thought. We are thinking, feeling, vibrant human beings who are capable to rise out of the shadows to self protect in a healthy way. FACT : 1 in 4 females are abused RESULTS: crippling affects in your spirit, soul, and body AFFECTS: reliving it fear, triggers that bring you back to that offense It is important to recognize, however, that each victim of sexual assault will have his or her own life experiences and personality that will influence how he or she react to the assault. Reactions~There are many reactions that survivors of rape and sexual assault can have. But for adult survivors of childhood abuse there are reactions that may either be different or stronger than for other survivors. These include: Setting Limits/Boundaries~ Because your personal boundaries were invaded when you were young by someone you trusted and depended on, you may have trouble understanding that you have the right to control what happens to you. Memories/Flashbacks~Like many survivors, you may experience flashbacks. Anger~This is often the most difficult emotion for an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse to get in touch with. As a child your anger was powerless and had little to no effect on the actions of your abuser. For this reason you may not feel confident that you anger will be useful or helpful. Grieving/Mourning~Being abused as a child means the loss of many things- childhood experiences, trust, innocence, normal relationship with family members (especially if the abuser was a family member). You must be allowed to name those losses, grieve them, and then bury them. Guilt, Shame, and Blame~You may carry a lot of guilt because you may have experienced pleasure or because you did not try to stop the abuse. There may have been silence surrounding the abuse that led to feelings of shame. It is important for you to understand that it was the adult who abused his/her position of authority and should be held accountable, not you. Trust~Learning to trust again may be very difficult for you. You may find that you go from one extreme to the other, not trusting at all to trusting too much. Coping Skills~You have undoubtedly developed skills in order to cope with the trauma. Some of these are healthy (possibly separating yourself from family members, seeking out counseling, etc.) Some are not (drinking or drug abuse, promiscuous sexual activity, etc.) Self-esteem/Isolation~Low self-esteem is a result of all of the negative messages you received and internalized from your abusers. Because entering into an intimate relationship involves trust, respect, love, and the ability to share, you may flee from intimacy or hold on too tightly for fear of losing the relationship. Sexuality~You likely have to deal with the fact that your first initiation into sex came as a result of sexual abuse. You may experience the return of body memories while engaging in a sexual activity with another person. Such memories may interfere in your ability to engage in sexual relationships which may leave you feeling frightened, frustrated, or ashamed. Incest is defined by Webster’s as sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry. But religious and secular law has varied from time to time and place to place. What is forbidden at one time may not be at another. For instance, in some places marriage between an uncle and niece is forbidden. At other times and places it is not. Marriage even between brother and sister has at times been condoned, even encouraged—in Egyptian royalty, for instance, around the time of Caesar. However, the term incest has come to be used much more loosely today. Different kinds of sexual encounters among family members have merged in many people’s minds with sexual abuse in general. Not surprisingly. Child sexual abuse often takes place between family members. There is a consensus that sexual experience below a certain age is inappropriate and likely to be harmful. Certainly harmful, most people would probably say. There is not universal agreement, however, of just what age is too young. Children in some cultures can technically marry even before puberty, although the marriage may not be consummated for some time. In this country the age of consent is different from state to state. As a matter of fact, every sort of sexual interaction between adults and young people, even children, occurs regularly, including rape. The effect of these behaviors is strikingly different depending on how coercive they are and on the relationship of the people involved. Adults who run afoul of the law because of committing one of these criminal acts should not be treated all the same, because their acts are not all the same. At one extreme: A young woman had serious sexual difficulties. Whenever she was at the point of reaching a climax, a picture of her father would flash to her mind. For this reason she was to a considerable extent sexually incapacitated. When she had been a teen-ager, and for some years before, her father had raped her at intervals, not always out of sight of her mother. When I asked what reaction her mother had had, she told me her mother would wave her hands impatiently and tell them “to stop all that fooling around.” It was hard to know just what aspect of these experiences was most traumatic: her father’s viciousness, her mother’s indifference, or the unmitigated physical violence, itself. The emotional consequences affected every aspect of her self-esteem and social competence, and plainly was an important factor in her chronic anxiety and depression. She trusted no one. At the other extreme are many cases of cousins, or even siblings, playing some version of “doctor,” that is mutual looking, and, perhaps, touching of genitals. Usually, neither child is injured, or even discomfited, by this experience. I only find out about these incidents years later when they are reported to me in passing. If there was an emotional consequence to them, it was not apparent to me—except, perhaps, for someone expressing a vague sense of embarrassment and guilt. Those guilt feelings seem to have grown up when these young people grew up and discovered that the sexual behaviors in which they had engaged are condemned by everyone—and if not condemned, exactly, at least discouraged by everyone. Whether or not the signs of abuse are physical and obvious, sexual abuse in childhood can have lifelong consequences. As survivors, we often blame ourselves long after the abuse has ended--for not saying no, for not fighting back, for telling or not telling, for having been ``seductive,'' for having trusted the abuser. Often there is no one to confirm that someone treated us cruelly and that this abuse was devastating to us. It is often very difficult to talk about incest or childhood sexual abuse. Some of us may never have told anyone, though the abuse may have continued for years. We may have dreaded family gatherings, where a particular uncle or family friend would come after us. For some of us, exploring our bodies with an older brother turned into a sexual encounter, after which we found ourselves feeling we had been taken advantage of. Sometimes a father, uncle, or teacher abused our sisters, and we didn't find out for years. Every survivor has her own story, and every story is valid. Each of us responds differently to the pain and terror of incest and childhood sexual abuse. We struggle to find ways to cope that will permit us to keep on functioning and to survive. Too often, these coping mechanisms become problematic and don't serve the survivor well as an adult. Common coping mechanisms include self-injury, substance abuse, eating disorders, and dissociation. Self-injury, much more common among women than men, occurs when we consciously hurt ourselves, by, for example, cutting, hitting, or burning ourselves. Because of the shame surrounding self-injury, women often keep this problem secret and do not reach out for support from others. Although self- injury is not usually done with the intent of suicide, it is a coping mechanism that, though understandable, can be seriously harmful to us. There are many reasons why we injure ourselves. Some self-injury acts to block out emotional pain caused by childhood abuse. Many of us say that the physical pain evoked by self-injury diminishes intense emotional pain. Self-injury can also be a way of expressing anger and other strong emotions that were forbidden to us. Self-injury can begin as a way to replay an abusive experience in order to regain control of it emotionally. Substance abuse. Many women who were sexually abused during childhood find that we have no outlet for the feelings associated with the trauma of sexual abuse. We may turn to alcohol or drugs to help us cope with strong feelings of terror, grief, and anger. After prolonged use or abuse of alcohol or drugs, we may find ourselves addicted and in need of help for a substance abuse problem. Those of us who enter treatment programs often find that our feelings related to the sexual abuse come up when we stop relying on the substance. If this happens, it is essential to have support for the feelings connected to sexual abuse and for recovery from substance abuse. In recognition of the fact that so many women in substance abuse treatment programs are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, treatment programs are beginning to work with rape crisis centers and other experts on sexual assault to ensure that this special support is provided. Eating disorders. Problems with eating can develop in the wake of sexual abuse. These may take several forms, including bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive overeating. Each of these may serve as a different coping mechanism and may itself become a problem. Dissociation. Many survivors are familiar with dissociation. This is a process that produces an alteration in a person's thoughts, feelings, or actions so that for a period of time, certain information is not associated or integrated with other information. A continuum of sorts, dissociation occurs when a child leaves her body and goes to the ceiling during the abuse. It can continue after the abuse: we may have trouble concentrating, experience detachment from ourselves, have dramatic mood shifts, and/or develop several distinct personalities. Getting Help To heal from the trauma of incest or early sexual abuse, we need to tell our stories to people who understand what we have experienced. Talking with others in counseling or in special support groups for women with a history of incest breaks the silence, helps us to gain perspective and know we are not alone, eases the pain and helps us feel healthier and stronger. I now have a lot of compassion for myself because I know the implications of the abuse that occurred in my life. I owe myself all the understanding, patience, and acceptance I can find--a ton of it. Some women find that they need to confront the family member who abused them. This is a frightening task, but if it is the right thing to do for your recovery, it can also be rewarding. I feel empowered by letting him know I am aware that the incest occurred. I feel empowered by the fact that I didn't ask him if he remembered--I just told him. I knew he would deny it. I just wanted to say, "This happened." I did not expect results. Telling him was the total opposite of all that happened--what was invisible is now out in the open. Those of us with a history of incest need to know that whatever we do or don't do is all right, because we have survived a childhood that wasn't like a childhood at all.* As a result of recent challenges to long-held myths about incest and sexual abuse of children, reports of child sexual abuse have increased among adult women. One unfortunate result of this change has been an attempt to popularize the so-called false memory syndrome. This theory claims that many adults who remember sexual abuse as children are actually not remembering correctly. Research into the subject of memories and how they work, however, confirms that children often repress their experience of trauma in order to survive and that this is a necessary and appropriate coping mechanism, not something that the child did wrong. This research is helpful in countering efforts to undermine those who are able to finally give voice to the violence they suffered as children. If you find that a way you have coped with being abused is causing you problems as an adult, you can get help. Remember that you did what you did at the time in order to survive. Once your method of coping stops working, you can find other, healthier ways to respond to the violence you were forced to endure. Be as gentle with yourself as you can be, and know that you don't have to face these experiences alone. With gentleness toward yourself and with the caring help of others, you can build a support network and practice new ways of taking care of yourself.